I remember reading a story of a guy who realized he was unable to receive Love, even though his heart felt so open. He experienced rays of Love radiating from inside and was surprised that he never felt loved. He always ended up with partners open to receiving his Love but never returning it.
The law of attraction always matched his vibration. This is exactly what LOA does.
It's not about what you wish for, what you visualize or write down a hundred times each morning. It is only about what you hide deep within. That will be projected and mirrored.
After his realization, he started a healing journey and learned how to receive and trust. He knew the one thing he had to do was to love himself.
When we love ourselves, people who can't love us will disappear from our reality.
His story got me thinking about being in a similar position.
I've always assumed that loving someone simply means they love me back!
I realized I was focused on loving others, on showing them my Love, keeping to prove and explaining my Love to them, and even taking my Love away at times to spill it all over the place again.
All of these exhausting actions made me numb to myself. I didn’t even realize that I don’t love myself.
And not only that, I kept a deeply rooted hate towards myself deep inside me.
I never kept my boundaries. I pushed myself into a corner multiple times and lost myself in each relationship.
The only way to survive was by holding up an illusion of what I had and what I believed I was receiving.
Until I saw, that what I am receiving is not what I truly desire and should be receiving.
You see, the moment you do feel Love for yourself, your body, your being, you will never settle for anything less than Love.
Throughout my healing journey, I found out, that I felt guilty whenever I received something good.
My upbringing didn’t allow me to accept things people offered.
I always had a memory of one event. I was around six years old, visiting my grand-aunt on Christmas. I wasn't allowed to eat those delicious cookies, she made for us and put on the table just in front of me. It was a real torture, especially those she called Sandokan's eyes. I was in love with him my whole childhood. This brave beautiful long-haired hero from the TV series became a blueprint for what kind of a man I wanted.
Of course, I never met such a guy. I was extremely romantic, but our society produces a small number of heroes and gentlemen.
Before I realized it, I always projected my romantic desires onto every man I fell in Love with, just to be disappointed a while later.
Damn, those romantic movies!
My mum in her anger towards me often shouted at me, that I didn't deserve to be loved or to have anything good.
Perhaps it is because of these little things that become wounds leading us to believe we are unworthy, should be ashamed of who we are, and absolutely never ever want something for ourselves.
As a collective, we struggle to feel and receive Love.
Not knowing it is our birthright to live a life full of Love, pleasure, abundance, and joy.
We are suffering due to a lack of Love and a belief that we are not good enough.
That we have to live in misery to earn a bit of goodies.
"To earn a living."
It's a big lie. We are already good.
We are enough.
We are lovable.
We deserve to live the juiciest life we can. Right now.
But subconsciously we’ve convinced ourselves that we are not worthy and can't be loved.
How did it happen? Generations of people harming themselves by believing they are unworthy and undeserving.
Putting the same spell over their children in the name of righteousness.
Our partners are extensions of our parents. Even the words they use to hurt us are often the same.
How lucky are we! We can keep coming back to the same patterns over and over again.
Until we awaken.
It is not an easy journey and it requires us to honestly look at our relationships and investigate how we feel.
It can be quite painful to acknowledge what lies beneath. But the reward is worth the pain.
So if you are struggling to receive Love, please awaken.
The world needs you to know you are lovable.
~Nika
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